Kate Middleton, Teddy the Father?

Teddy, 
I see Kate is expecting. Tell the truth. Did you make her your governess? -Mitch, Wooster

Mitch,
Sometimes royalty has a problem getting the old staff to stay at full mast. What with all their worrying about polo, social events and trying not to look like their father...So sometimes they might call in a real pro to take care of "business." If the kid has male pattern baldness, wicked quick feet, and a Boston accent... The Frozen Head could be king one day.

The NHL might want to look into this new fangled thing called television

Ted, 
As a frozen head, do you have any suggestions as to how the NHL can figure this thing out? Should they? Does anyone even care about hockey? 

Have you ever considered subbing in as a puck? -Murph, Milton

Tom, 
When I was alive (I mean really alive, and not floating in goo) hockey players were tough and played for next to nothing.  Why? Because they loved the game.  

The poor owners are only raking in hundreds of millions off these athletes, and not billions.  It's embarrassing to only have 136 ft yacht and not 157 footer. Also, the NHL might want to look into this new fangled thing called television.  If I have to watch on Versus or the Mountain Channel, I'm probably not finding that on my remote.  I'm disgusted there's no hockey because as a frozen athlete, it's the closest sport to my present state.  I guess I'll have to go back to watching competitive ice fishing.

-Tedsicle

Wish I had hands. Or even one...

Is that Too Much LeBrons?

Last night I was watching LeBron play basketball and during each commercial break there was a commercial either about:

1) LeBron playing basketball 

2) LeBron talking about how good he is at playing basketball

0r 3) LeBron talking about how other people think about how good he is or isn't at playing basketball

He did all of these things while either using a new cell phone or eating a juicy cheese burger. 

'Sicle, Is that too much LeBron? Should we get used to a one player league? Maybe all the players could change their names to LeBron to make it easier on the announcers and fans. What do you think?

Dear LeJohn,

Look LeBron was not the first athlete to try to do it all.  Bugs Bunny took on the NY Giants in a game of baseball and I believe he opened up a can of whoop-ass on them. While its true the LeBrons beat the Celtics last night, when the LeBron formerly known as Ray Allen gets a full season of cutting on his 73 year old ankles, he won't be hoisting up those three pointers with ease.  Also, the LeBron known as Dwayne Wade was not sharp and I bet he needs knee surgery before the end of the year.  Lastly the LeBron known as Tyranasaurus Bosh has a tendency to become extinct in the Playoffs.

Hugs from the Tin Can, XXOO -T

I Have GOT to get out of this Tin Can

I'll have the fish please.

Sorry Kittens, Maybe Next Year

Teddy,
Should we feel bad for Detroit? -Ron, Barrington

Don,
No. And I'll tell you why you should be pissed at Detroit. Because they went so far in the postseason, made A-Rod cry, and had the best manager. Any manager who chain smokes in the dugout, gets the Teddy seal of approval, reminds me of The Mick. Don't get me wrong, Theodore loves the planet, being green... recycling, like my head being used AS A BOUNCY BALL.

But John Farrell is like Tito's alter ego (now with hair!) He didn't do diddly shit in Toronto with a pretty talented team, and let's not forget that Beckett was fat when Farrell was the pitching coach. I guess it would have been nice for the citizens of the US city voted most like Chernobyl. Actually, despite being empty, Chernobyl shows more signs of economic hope. Sorry Kittens, Maybe next year....

-Teddy

Does it Hurt that Much?

Some players are tough as nails. Others cry when their pink nail polish gets chipped. AROD is a part of one of those two groups. He has been known to eat glove, slap balls and cry when things don't go his way. He flexes in front of mirrors, dates women with bigger biceps than his own and spends more money on hair products than most third world nations spend on food. I'm sure it hurts when you break a bone in your hand, but does it hurt as much as AROD leads us to believe? I believe he suffers from hypersensitivity, or as Sully from Staughton calls it "soft wrists." Teddy ALSO- From loyal reader MannysPS2 : Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhahahaha AROD has NUTS? I think he wouldn't even feel a crotch shot! From loyal reader Chucky, at Norway Novelties: Jesus, I thought somebody had shot him in the nuts he was crying so hard. Typical Yankee pussy One of the interns from the college has a birthday today (23). Good working BB. I am giving you this. Enjoy she has served me well:

Teddy, I know you've had a lot of women. Have you ever chowderboxed LeBron's mom?

A lot is a huge understatement, but I do not believe Mrs. LeBron (LeBronica?) and I have done the deed.  She's about 30 years too old for the Teddy.  It takes a young filly to satisfy this frozen head. Just because half the NBA has tapped that, doesn't mean I've has been there, done that (but it's always good to assume eventualities, there are a finite amount of women in the world). 


Go Celtics and speaking of Phillys. I may have to help myself to some cheese steaks hoagies while I shag some 6er wives. Keep cool-T

????

Teddy,
I know he tore his ACL but the way he looked writhing on the ground, it seemed like Mo got popped by Sirhan Sirhan. Should I feel bad for the Yankees? -Richard, Topsfield

Dick,I have never been a fan of any Yankee, any ex-Yankee, any family member (distant relatives count) or fans of those assholes in Pinstripes.  Did you know they came out with Yankee cologne and perfume this year?  It smells like the Men's room at Old Yankee Stadium on $1.00 beer night during a janitor's strike. 

I must also admit to making fun of Mariano when he electrified his swimming pool and a few family members became Rivera Flambe when they mistakingly jumped into his private, not to be touched by other humans, swimming pool.  I mean, that was a dick move, no? 


Part of me is sad he didn't crack his head open when he fell to the ground.

All that said, Mariano is most definitely the most talented and likable of the lot.  He's a class act and the best relief pitcher of all time (apologies to Mark Clear).

See you Mo. Now I need to get back to retirement, and put my frozen head between this co-ed's cannons.
XXOO 'Sicle