Who Hacked Sony? Rectal Feed Trebek's Mustache in the Form of a Question

Dear Mr. Teddy,Who really hacked Sony? -Kimberly, Hungul, Korea

Kimmy, As a frozen head, I spend a lot of time assassinating diplomats and banging Asian models in North Korea. I've given the security guards at the Ryongsong Residence their fair share of Cosby Jello shots and had my run of the compound when the Supreme KJ-Un is off on vacation beating slaves to death with a basketball pump. I've banged his whores, smoked his fine imitation cigarettes, and fed his dogs Chinese Arbys (tastes like Uncle). It's a nice palace to spy on, but honestly, I don't see Kim Jung hacking an American movie studio. He loves American movies, even the bad ones and that's a lot because Seth Rogen makes like 11 a year. If I was Sony, I'd put my eyes on Trebek's mustache. That thing's been missing since 2011 and has an ax to grind. It had access to every question ever answered, so that's something, all that high level computer code firewall security stuff that is completely unprotected in every major American corporation is too easy for a big-time dictator to hack, but a smart piece of facial hair.... I'd write more about hacking and other subversive frozen head stuff but I've got to go, Lucy (below) needs advice on how to best case my sausage. Happy Christmas or whatever. Jesus and I both love you. Yours, Teddy