Mr. Julius Nado, BP 15, Abidjan, Ivory Coast

Dear Teddysicle,

I am Mr. Julius Nado, residence address at BP 15, Abidjan, Ivory Coast. I am the personal lawyer to late Mrs. Tina, a client of mine, whom has a servicing firm affiliated with the Julius Berger road construction in Cote D'Ivoire.

Late Mrs. Tina was awarded a contract worth (US$24,000,000.00) when she was alive and Immediately this contract was signed, an initial amount of (US$11.000, 000.00) was paid to her as mobilization fee to kick off the contract. She duly completed this contract pending when her remaining balance of (US$13,000,000.00) will be paid to her. On 2nd of March 2008, my client, her husband and their four children were involved in a car accident at Cocody, capital city of Ivory Coast. Unfortunately, all the occupants lost their lives.

Not too long after her untimely death, her outstanding balance of US$13,000,000.00 was approved and deposited in a Bank here. Right now the funds are still floating unclaimed in the suspense account of the offshore correspondence payment centre here.

I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as one of the relative of my deceased client, so that you can be paid the remaining balance of her contract funds left in the Bank, hence I contacted you. I am offering you this opportunity by contacting you to assist in repatriating the fund left behind by my late client before they get confiscated or unserviceable by the Bank where this huge deposit were lodged. The Julius Berger road construction issued me a notice as the Attorney to the deceased to provide the Next of Kin or have the Account confiscated in a shot period of time and since then I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over a year that I have been searching.

I seek your concept to present you as the Next of Kin or family member to the deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname, so that the proceeds of this remaining balance of her contract funds valued at (US$13,000,000.00) can be paid to you. We shall both share the funds; 60% for me and 40% for you as we proceed.

I have all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up our claim. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this project through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law after the transfer is done.

Thanks and have a wonderful day with your family.
Please contacts me for further details.

Best personal regards,
Mr. Julius Nado (Esq.

Mr. Nado,

Tedsicle is dead, and therefore cannot sign for anything. If only John Henry were alive, he'd be all over this like white on rice. I know he ran with some Nigerian Princes, often pledging lots of my autograph money to invest in their various plans. As far as I know, he grew that money into a giant fortune, and that fortune will be spent reuniting my head with a fit body so I can play LF for the Red Sox again. Actually, I think I'm healing faster than D'Lsbury, with his inverted Vagina, or whatever's wrong with him.

Good luck Jackass,

'Sicle

also a piece of Teddy died today (and that sucks because there isn't that much left)

Manny Ramirez's Annual Hibernation

Teddy,
I see Manny's on the DL. Where do you think he's going on vacation this year?

Dumbass,
It's summer time! That means it's the dog days of summer, which also means Manny Ramirez's annual hibernation. My guess? Manny is going to a bunch of car shows across the US. Do you know where I took my vacations during baseball seasons? That's right, getting shot down over beautiful Korea during the Korean Conflict. Can you imagine these namby pambies going to fight a war? You can't even get D'ellsbury to lift his GD finger to make a phone call to his manager telling him when his vagina or ribs will heal. If he extends his finger, his ribs get sore. Little punk. I took craps with more intestinal fortitude than him.
Hey Manny and Jacoby, get back in the game and stop owrrying about how many pennies you can squeeze out of your next employer.
'sicle

Football and the Kids

Teddy,
Why before each game do they pair up world cup soccer players with young children? Are they the prize for victory?

Shithead,
You have to go back to the origins of the game. England way back before they split with the catholic church. Then it moves over to the main continent (Italy, Portugal, Spain)...All Catholics. The little boys are gifts to the players for performing. The Pope that instituted this was Pope Concilious the Second, who was a famous child lover. He never went anywhere without his flock of children. He became a huge fan of the game, and as a reward to the best players, he would give them each a child. Of course, this was just a ceremony, and the player would return the child to the Pope at the end of the game. Pope Concilious loved to take the kids back to the priory and share his special candle with them.
I'm just glad to see the priests of today are keeping with tradition.

The World Cup and the Asshole

I bet you think I'm going to rail on how stupid soccer is. Boring, not enough scoring, too many Europeans and other various wimpy skinny foreigners. That's where you are wrong (except for the too many Euros part). I grew up in a "soccer hotbed" in Southern California and played some as a kid. I didn't have the stamina to run for 90 minutes, those guys are freaks. But, I respect, even enjoy watching when they set my head up to watch tv (don't ask, it's in the will). Anyway, I was watching the US game last week, the come from behind tie that should have been a win and decided we should invade Mali and kill the referee's family. That would send a clear message to other referees that random anti-american sentiment will not be tolerated. It was a blatantly bad call, with no explanation of what the call was. It would be like if Pedroia was standing on second after a double, and right before the pitcher was to throw the next pitch the umpire would call him out. No rhyme or reason. In fact, what the Slovenian defenders were doing was enough to get a sodomy conviction in Georgia. But then again, typing the word sodomy gets a you a sodomy conviction in Georgia.
After that disgraceful call and theft of a win I wanted to jump up and put my fist through the TV, instead, I spit at it in anger.

The Red Sox - Tedsicle told you they would come out of it. Too much pitching to fail the way they were early in the year.
The Celtics - more spit in anger on the tv - but don't blame Ray Allen. I'm sick of hearing how bad he was. You try to follow Kobe all over the court and then see how good your jump shot is in the 4th quarter when your legs are throbbing. You assholes wouldn't make a free throw. Also, that Vujacic who did nothing all series - what is with the eyebrow spit/smoothing thing you do? It should be banned from the game, plus he's a cheating sodomite from Slovenia. I bet he's got some Mali ancestors too. Asshole.

Ted

Are the Cs going to pull this one out?

Teddy, Are the Cs going to pull this one out?

Course, this is basketball, not my particular area of expertise. Ask me about fishing, flying or hitting a small white ball and I'll have a "for sure" answer for you. But since you asked, yeah, they'll win. I expect them to win the next three in a row, and send the Lakers back to the glorious lakes of LA. You know, I'm from Southern California and it ain't known for their lakes. They probably should have changed their name to something that fits LA a little better...Maybe the "LA Weeping Vaginas" or the "LA Famous Assholes"...Just a suggestion, I'm here to help.

Tedsicle

BP

Nate Robinson Delivers but is Concerned About Kobe; Celtics on to NBA Finals

Playoff Averages: Rebounds 6.2, Assists 4, Steals 1, PPG 19



Boston.com

To the 9s, Rondo is My Homeboy

Like That Smartass Tony C.

Holy Jesus...

Teddy, Why was Brian Scalabrine in uniform in game 2? Is he going to be the Cs secret weapon? -Chip in Danvers

Yeah, red headed white guy who moves like molasses. Great idea, turd for brains. Why do Cs fans love Scalabrine? Because he sucks, has no business in anything other than a janitor's uniform, and they think it's funny, like pesky dunking homeruns off the pole. A gag.

When I hear "{Pesky's pole" it reminds me of a hooker we shared in San Jose in 1958. Stupid Sox marketing. What's next, Butch Hobson's third base line? (Butch was fond of the Bolivian marching powder).

Also, for the love of all things holy or unholy...Rasheed Wallace? I seriously hope that was random picture trickery, because that guy is a lazy punk. Like that smartass Tony C. Yeah, I know, getting plunked in the skull is sad. But after a half of a year...claiming he'd break all my gd records? Who's head is (relatively) intact now, asshole? I know, I know the guy is dead, but so am I so I get some leeway.
Plus, dye that gd white spot, you asshole.

Otherwise, go C& f the whining Yankees and their pussy protesting. You lost, get over it.
Hugs,
'sicle

The End Game: Number 7 = Philly 4, Bruins 3

Teddy, How did this happen?

Don't get your panties in a wad, it's only hockey. April Sox games are more important. Tedsicle can't even figure out how to watch it on tv.
The Celtics look like they dogged the regular season. They look more like the team at 23-5 than the one beaten by the Nets.
Why is there bowling, darts and cheerleading on the worldwide leader in sports, but not hockey?
Though Tedsicle does enjoy a perfectly executed pyramid...

Should I Be Worried About the Bruins?

Teddy,
Are we back? Should I request an October vacation? Also should I be worried about the Bruins? -Jimmy in West Chesta

Well Jimmy,
Here's the deal, as the Red Sox surge the Bruins suck. When the B's were winning the Sox were losing. So, my advice is for the Sox to lose on the nights the Bruins play. Otherwise, yes, you should worry about the Bruins. Without Kreiji (What the hell kind of name is that), and a fully healed Savard, as well as the few defensemen that have been knocked out...I mean this guy is on the first line: Daniel Paille. I'm not sure how to say that last name. Do the "L"s make a sound or are they French and sneaky?

One thing is for sure, never count a team out who has Satan on their side. Go Celtics!! Hugs, Teddy

Right???

Tito, It's Time to Let Dice-K Pitch Like a Man

Teddy,
WTF is this bull about tension in the Sox dugout? -Freddo in Fall Rivha

Frank Listen,
When I played there weren't any goddamned rifts because none of us talked amongst ourselves. Sure I grew to love Bobby, Dom and Johnny, but when it came to playing baseball, it's like going to work. Bring your lunchpail, and play ball. If a player has a greenlight to go when he wants to go, other players don't need to question that, unless they want this crap playing out in the media.

Which it is.

They are off to a slow start, they are playing like crap. They have the pieces to be a very good team. Especially if any of there so called aces decide to show some balls and get through more than the 5th inning. 100 pitches my ass. Boo Ferris never said "my arm hurts, take me out, I need a pitch count and I need to change my maxi pad after five innings." The GD manager won't LET Matsuzaka throw as many pithes as he wants, so it's hard to blame the pitchers only. That kid has a rubber GD arm and should be getting warmed up at 100 pitches. I'm sick of these "million dollar" arms being treated like a bunch of weak armed pussies.

Let them throw Tito.-'sicle

-what pussies do when they're mad
-what men do when they're mad

My Points? Cleveland is a City Full of Losers...

Dear Ted,
How do you think Boston will handle Cleveland in the playoffs? My buddy at work says that Lebron hurt his elbow because he takes 35 shots a game. Is that too much? Do you think Boston should be worried about Shaq or he just too fat to play Garnett?

Also is there a way that Selig might allow the Red Sox to only play the Orioles and Blue Jays until August or something? -Britney in Bedfed

Hi,
First off Cleveland is a city full of losers. Lebron will not stay in the cesspool by the lake. He probably hurt his elbow carrying the rest of that team. Shaq is fat, slow and talks like Andre the giant. Sideshow Bob Varejao is yet another soft euro or South American pussy, who weeps every time there's a hint of contact. Cs in six.

The Sox will come around. They have some good young arms, but all that Florida poontang they had in spring training tired them out. Check Beckett's '09 April-identical era and similar peripherals. I learned that from that midget nerd Rosenthal's tweet. Yeah, I read Twitter, assholes. Tedsicle has time, an Internet account and thought twitter might have been some kind of fairy porn. Not gay shit, but little flying people.
Hugs,
'sicle

How to Coach IT, it ain't easy to teach that

Ted,
When the Sox fire 'Coma, would Alcor ever consider letting your head sit in the dug-out? I think you'd make a great managha!

Also, are the Bruins going to get out of the 1st round?
-Wilma in Weymouth

Listen,
I was the greatest hitter who ever lived. It ain't easy to teach that. I tried. I was a manager for a while, but decided that fish could learn more than ballplayers. Most of them either have "it" or they don't. Tito was an average ballplayer, so he knows how to help average ballplayers. Whereas I was a freak of nature. The freaks of nature don't need help - you just turn them loose on the field and get the hell out of their way.

Since I have a new understanding of all things frozen...I think the Bruins get to at least the conference finals, and don't be surprised if they bring a cup home this year. You heard it here first...from a big, cold headsicle in a giant tin can.

XOXOXOX
'sicle

Why aren't the Red Sox hot?

Alcor has me completely wireless in here, it's great. Gives Ted Williams a chance troll. Here she is again, get used to it.
Gotta a question from a loyal reader-

Mr Williams,
Can you tell me why the Red Sox are so bad? -Donny in Dorchester

Sure I can Dohnny,
1. Vlad Guerrero is 53 years old and crippled, and he stole a base last night off Martinez.
2. Jacoby looks good and all, but he has to stop running into guys, all that rah rah shit only goes so far. I hear Trot Nixon is cutting grass in Georgia.
3. Aces - I thought they had three or four, when do they show up?
4. JD Drew - sweet swing, but that swing has yet to connect to a baseball.
5. Tito looks too content. Soon to be heard at Fenway if they don't turn this around "Fire Francoma."
'sicle

Feelings are for Women and Pussies

Dear Ted,
Garnett out for game 2? What's that about? -hotties in Holbrook

Dear Hotties,
The reason Garnett was suspended is because society is filled with pussies who have feelings. Garnett throwing that elbow might have hurt someone if it connected (it didn't), but it did hurt people's feelings. He's too aggressive, and that hurts people's feelings. When I was a pro athlete, we didn't talk to shrinks or
have to worry about people's feelings.
Feelings are for women, and men who carry handbags, not pro athletes. He shouldn't be suspended in the GD playoffs for that. I hope that whiny pants McStern is happy with his merry band of pussies.
-Tedsicle

The Politics Behind a Nice Ass

Politics are something that would come up on my fishing trips. As a wealthy man, I usually vote for the guy who lets Ted hang on to his money. I'm not too sure about current candidates, but I like that Palin lady. Basically, any politician with a nice ass is at least watchable for four years. She also seems to hunt and fish, even if she is shooting Bass with RPGs from a helicopter. As a vice president, I think she should run with Giselle Bunchen or Brady, or whater she calls herself. She's just a big pile of sexy. I bet those two could convince a lot of leaders to do a lot of things and entertain the country at the same time. I'm not sure what their stance is on frozen heads though and that;s the first thing I do when checking out a candidate. -Teddy

AROD?

Nation,
First off, any man who accepts a nickname with "Rod" in it, is probably not a guy I would have hung out with back in the day. I would have been a little worried in the shower, especially if the Irish Spring slipped out of my hands, if you catch my drift. I know he's been linked to all kinds of celebrities, even Madonna, who I was fortunate enough to bang in 1987. I'm willing to bet AROD comes down with some mysterious muscle pull that puts a quick end to his career. Something muscular near the wrists or ankles. All the roiders seem to break down pretty quick when they're off the junk.

Grace Park, bsg